January 2017

Yes, I take.

And you like it.

I love the look in her eyes as I torture her.

Knowing I’ll get my fill.

Knowing I won’t stop until I’m satisfied.

Knowing she can do nothing but suffer for me.


TBH I’m so turned on by sweet and calm sadists.

Like, no matter how much of a brat you are no matter how much you cry and beg and struggle they just smile down at you and stroke your hair and continue doing whatever the fuck they want to do.

As someone who generally is very good at pushing people’s buttons and enjoys winding people up until they react, the person who just ignores it all and continues to completely and openly enjoy my pain and humiliation without feeling the need to so much as raise their voice? Very very hot.

I love love love doing this.

Time is on my side.

Look at these lovely playthings!

Shh… Dry your eyes, baby.

The Balancing Act


As a submissive, I take seriously the distinction between wanting something and needing it. And for that reason, I’ve thought a lot about what I truly need in a relationship. As I see it, I have four needs: love, ownership, spanking, and sex. And when any one of them goes unmet for long enough, I get twitchy. Off balance. It throws the other needs off as I try to compensate, and eventually the whole system goes haywire. So I’m going to lay it out as best as I can here.

This one is the easiest and the hardest. Attention and effort. I need him to show me that I’m an important part of his life. Show me that, as he goes about his day, he’s thinking of me. A quick text. A silly picture. Asking how I’m doing. Telling me about his day. Sweeping me up with hugs and kisses, and wrapping me in his arms like he’s never going to let go. With the right person, this is easy. But without love, he has no shot at meeting the rest of my needs. Sex will not satisfy me, and I will not be able to give myself deeply as a submissive. I need trust and affection. I need presence and support. I need to know that he will be there and take care of me. I need to be loved. 

But it’s not enough to love me. I need to feel controlled and structured and protected and owned. I need to know deep in my bones that this is not a “normal” relationship, and we are not equals. I need rules. I need protocol. I need firm boundaries. Accountability. Punishment, if necessary. I need to be used at his discretion and for his pleasure. I need the little moments like responding “yes, Sir” and the big moments of being broken and reduced to nothingness. I want his control to permeate every aspect of our relationship. Always present, even as an undercurrent. Always in my place. Always kneeling at his feet, physically or in my heart.

This need for ownership is also why kink fulfills me—but only if it’s a type of kink that inspires feelings of servitude, obedience, ownership, and absolute control. When he binds my hands and strings me up to the ceiling, or when I’m licking and kissing his shoes. When he’s making me scream and taking pictures of my tear-stained face. When he wraps his hand tightly around my throat. But I have kinks that don’t fulfill my ownership needs. And for the most part, they sit on the shelf. I don’t need kink; I need ownership. Kink is just one way of exercising that ownership. I need the everyday structure and the hard use. I need to know that I belong to him on a level that most people don’t understand. As a slave. As cherished property.

It may seem strange that I separate this out from the kink that fulfills my need for ownership. And of course, it does make me feel owned. But I have learned that spanking is just a core need for me. Even if he does a million kinky things that make me feel owned, I will still feel unfulfilled without regular spankings. Spankings are just different for me. I need them. Nothing settles my mind or makes my heart sing like spankings. Spankings make me feel loved. They say, “I am here, and I see you.” Spankings calm and cleanse me, and they bring me back to him. They sate me on a level I can’t reach any other way. Going without being spanked is like going without hugs or kisses. I have more to say about spankings, but it boils down to this: I need them, more than almost anything else we do.  

And yes, I need sex. It’s not at the bottom of this list because it’s unimportant. I do very much need sex. His cock sliding between my lips. His fingers curling up to find that perfect spot. His skin on mine. His body over mine, feeling him claim me over and over again. But sex is last on this list because it is so tangled up with the others. Even that phrase—feeling him claim me—is what I need from sex. I need to be held down and shoved in to the mattress. I need to have him take orgasms from me that I didn’t know I could give, because he controls my body. I do enjoy sex even from a vanilla standpoint. But just as sex means more when you love the person, it also means more when it’s part of his control over me.

An interesting thing I have noticed is that I tend to use sex to compensate for other unmet needs. It took a long time for me to see it, because I’ve almost always had unmet needs. But I just assumed I had a very high sex drive. I would have sex and orgasm multiple times, then go home and masturbate to several more orgasms. Then I started in D/s. And for the first time, I experienced a bone-deep level of satisfaction. I was truly sated. And I realized that I had this deep need for submission, and all these years I’d been trying to feed it orgasms. It doesn’t work. I always want sex. But now when I begin to feel insatiable, like no amount of sex could quench that drive… Now I know to look for what else is missing. Am I feeling insecure about whether he loves me? Is our dynamic slipping? Do I desperately need to have my ass beaten? The answer is usually some combination of these.

Without all four of these, some part of me gets lost. It’s not enough to love me; I am more complex than that. When something is missing, anxiety creeps in, and I start to sink. And then it’s time to check the gauges. Attention and affection? Structure and control? Spankings? Sex and orgasms? Usually something is missing. Then it’s time to rebalance. As a submissive, my role is to understand my needs and give status reports on where they stand. He decides how to rebalance. And I must trust him to know how. 

Now for the real fun.

Nipples? Check!

Holes? Check!

There is no shame in wanting to be led.


Wanting to follow.

Wanting to surrender to the will of another, defer to his choices, cater to his needs.

Wanting to let yourself be wrapped up in his strength.

That’s called being submissive, and you can help it about as much as you can help being blond, gay, or born.

It’s not something you do, it’s something you are.

Daddy needs your holes now.

Does it hurt, honey?

You know how much I like to hurt you.

My pretty little girl.

You’re so fucking beautiful when you suffer for me!

One - Two - Three!

See how it works, honey?

The anal pear is so much fun!

It’s what you need.

It’s what I give.

I like you exposed.

I’ve got so much fun planned for you!

Because I like to humiliate.

When you need to feel my love more viscerally.

The other side of “Mine”

Vulnerable is sexy.

Be proud of what you are.


i just had a longer look on my dashboard…. and i’m thinking about a few things that might bring an other point of view in some heads… and i’m in the mood to write about it….

i’m not in my twentys anymore (and really happy about this), and i’m owned in reality from my husband since 5 years. we met each other on a bdsm website… so first point: it’s possible to find the big love in the internet :)
second one: we’re both really good looking and successful in life…. yes they are a lot of attractive people around :)

but what’s really a “heart” thing for me to tell (excuse my bad english) is, how a a dom/sub relationship “works” in reality…

i read so many posts of dominant men who whishes to have a dump female slave. and yes, i by myself wish sometimes i would be totaly dump sometimes, but to be honest, my boss would become bored… he really enjoys having a nightlong discussion about politics with a couple glasses of wine. especially afterwards, when he calls me a pig cunt and we have a really good fuck….

my boss has the quantity, the strengh to laugh about himself, being weak sometimes and so strong at the same time.
and yes, we go shopping hand in hand, thinking about what should we eat on weekend… we laugh a lot, and i really love to cook for him… and see him enjoying a good meal… and yes, sometimes he is in the mood to clean the kitchen afterwards and wants me to stay on the sofa…

i had a few dom/sub relationships, and everybody who knows my blog can imagine that i’m not a soft one ;)…. i met a lot of dominant men, and a lot of them hadn’t the strengh to understand that being dominant doesn’t give them a self-worth feeling… some of them were just really hurted men, agressive on women who hurted them… searching for someone weaker as they are…. i never met somebody where this kind of relationship ever worked….

another point: yes… a female sex drive can be exhausting, stressfull and too much :) especially when it’s a submissive horny woman (cunt) who is always waiting for orders, tasks or someting sexual…. even if the boss is just in the mood for watching football. it he had cum 2 times already, is tired and just want to hold his sub in his arms…. female sexdrive is anatom. almost endless, and a really submissive woman feels like her body belongs to her boss, so she can’t help herself ;)
from reality, there are so many situations where in a dom/sub relationship it is so important that both can laugh together….

i have tattooed his name on my ass, and for all the readers of this post who think “????” this can’t be a real dom/sub couple, yes…. my boss is the only one of us who decides in sex… and yes, he slaps me, he hurts me, he fucks me, he uses me… but he also likes sometimes to hug me, kiss me, touch me softly, do the soft missionary sex…..

for me, maybe i’m wrong, but being a dominant man is difficult… it’s a ride between worlds and feelings and this can only be handeled with a smile and big self-worth, self-respect and self-esteem… there is somebody who is “always” waiting in behind ;)

to this: behind a strong man is a strong woman…. for me this is right…. my boss is interested in my point of view, he asks me…. but he decides….

hope my followers had a little smile during reading this… and to the wonderful dominant men out there: the secret is not to get a slave… it’s to keep it…. and not getting bored, or to be caught in the own “dominant” attitudes…. i once met a woman who told me, that if she would see her dom weak, she would leave him…. keep away from these sluts…. they are trash… really… you will see if she is a real slave, if she can hold you too…..

wish everybody a happy new year…. take care :)

This is someone who gets it.

It’s the new year, honey! Aren’t you glad?

Hello, Sir. Just wanted to wish You a happy, happy new year! :)

Happy new year!

2017 is gonna be awesome!