June 2017

Hold up. So you're not an only child? Is your brother your only other sibling?

Yeah, older brother by a year and a half.

I yet need to go back and read about the sub who was with you. I am sorry to read she got anxious. I guard my privacy so I understand how she must have felt. Were people jealous of her? Your trip sounds fantastic. Been to France before but would not want to go now. Scandinavia is beautiful! Excellent choice. Are you a red head? Do you think there is a correlation between red head men and doms?

People were jealous and started saying nasty things about her. She could see them in my inbox, and then even when I stopped letting her see, she knew what was going on and why I was refusing to let her see :/

I am a red head, in fact. Half of my relatives live in Norway (I’m half Norwegian). Red heads tend to be more headstrong, so it’s possible that more would be dominant…

When you find her, will you update this blog? Also, do you have a need to see her happy and not only suffering?

If I take someone in, I’ll say that I’m no longer looking, but I won’t post details until much later in the relationship. If you search the archives you’ll see the terrible shit people sent me the last time I found someone, and that messed with her anxiety something awful.

The whole point of this kind of relationship is to see her happy. Suffering for me is but one of the things she does to make me happy, and that makes her happy.

You've shared so much about yourself in this blog. Are you ever concerned that people might recognize you in real life?

Not really. I’ve yet to have anyone recognize me, and if I did, it would be cool to meet like-minded people.

Would you hide any part of your life from your sub?

No. I’ll keep certain details if I think they’ll overload her, but I won’t hide any part of my life.

Been to Europe before? Going with friends? Anyway, as you correspond with many women why is it so difficult to find the one by now? To a classic slave this should sound like a great deal. Why do you think "the one" is not there at your place yet? Traveling is a lot of fun. Enjoy your trip.

I’ve been to England before. I’m going with my brother and father. I’ll be landing in Paris, heading to Cologne, and then north to Norway via Denmark.

I’ve met a number of submissives whom I think could have worked out well, but all too often their circumstances won’t allow them relocate even for a short time.

You look a little worried, honey!

Hey, I was being sarcastic about the lactose intolerance. I was kidding because some of these qualifying questions are so precise. 😉

Lol that’s true :)

Do you like to read? I'm asking because your grammar and semantics are very good. Are you fond of horses or do you actually ride them? Do you grow your own veggies? Nothing is better than that! I've always wanted to be a pet-so much better than being a human. I do not like people by and large. Do you like classic music? Do you ever get real correspondence from women? I find you intriguing.

I do like to read, yes. My interests are eclectic, but the majority of my topics of choice touch upon history, anthropology, and psychology. I like piecing together the patterns that describe how the world and its inhabitants work.

I do like horses but haven’t ridden in a long time. I’ll probably start up soon after returning from Europe this Summer.

I have a garden, but haven’t had the time to tend one this year, unfortunately.

I LOVE classical music. That’s half the reason I play classical guitar.

I get a fair bit of correspondence from women. I don’t post those online, though; they’re private conversations.

Are you going to take anyone who meets your stated requirements and shows up in your state asking? Even if you don't find her good looking or appealing?

Would you take someone who doesn’t excite you sexually?

Would that even be remotely fair to them, knowing not only that you settled for them, but also that you don’t really want to fuck them and just do it out of obligation to the relationship?

That does not a happy couple make.

I will conclude my series of questions for tonight soon. You are late for someone who likes to go to bed early but I am a night owl and a most curious girl. This is not a question, rather a meditation if you will, of "what a sub wants". The concept of a hostage of love, a captive of an obsessive possessive man, has fascinated me throughout my life (I am 43). It has been fleeting from me even though I did have a short taste of it. My dark heroes are Dr. Lecter and the Phantom of the Opera.

I still remember as a child watching the evil guy kidnapping the girl and tying her up and always found myself rooting for him.

I honestly don't get it. This is your blog, you're the only person running it which is why you tailor it to you. And if some people's (subs included) desires resonate with it, they follow and talk to you. I don't get why someone who's not into this would come here and tell you what to do. That's as if someone had a blog about lizards and a person came along and said they should post about cows. Like no??? Go find a blog that suits you or make your own??? People follow you for a reason.

I think part of the problem is that people feel threatened by what I say.

But the thing is, I write the way I do so that only the people who resonate with me will follow. The girl I seek is in that much smaller crowd. 35,000 may not be a whole lot, but it’s a good start!

Totally off topic but gotta ask anyway: what sign are you, as in the zodiac? My guess: Scorpio or Virgo. I am a Taurus, not that I think you are into that at all. Are you into Aryanism? By the by, a farm life sounds lovely, and healthy. Are you self taught on programming? Conditioning a woman does not have to be as harsh as conditioning a spy. Just saying...

Capricorn I think. It was something different until they changed the dates around.

Aryanism is an odious philosophy that the world would be better off without.

I started programming at age 8, learned basic, then digital logic and assembly and C, and then received formal training in college.

And no, conditioning a woman is not even remotely the same as conditioning a spy. It’s more akin to conditioning a pet. I make her suffer for me as well because I’m a sadist.

The bleeding comes from your belt on her tits per your story. They are bruised, they are brutalized and yes, they can bleed. Even if they do not, wounds heal much slower for a diabetic. I do not like the sight of blood.

I don’t like a lot of blood. A little bit seeping out from welts is cool though.

On the subject of sex between a doom and his sub, theoretical speaking: to women who received puritanical education/brainwashing, begging to touch, suck, admire your organ isn't natural. As a sub I much prefer the role of passivity. I like my man to take me against my will, wholeheartedly and gently. That's the only way sex won't feel dirty to me, to say, as it I didn't have a choice. As for bleeding your sub-that could cause medical emergencies if your sub is diabetic. Are you a doctor/nurse?

For a submissive, the natural state is passivity and obedience. The rest comes through training. I free her mind from the puritanical chains she’s been enveloped in and teach her how best to serve me. I free her from judgment.

I’m not sure where this “bleeding” business comes from, and no, I’m neither a doctor nor a nurse.

Someone who is in charge is good. Someone who uses his position of power to hurt me is never going to win my trust and heart. I am hyper sensitive so less is more. There is no need to use a bulldozer on a flower. I am a logical person and this doesn't add up. I don't care if you don't publish it, just wanted you to know what other subs might think. Please consider a new separate section of examples of how you would do sweet nice things for your woman. This could help those in doubt...

Then I’m not the one to win your trust and heart.

I won’t change who I am.

It’s best yo keep your valuables hidden away.

You're bold, I'll give you that!

Hiya for the third time in the past few hours. I wanted to apologize. I know the word "initiation" wasn't the best choice, so I put it in quotations. I wanted to say 'getting-to-know-period' but that's actually all the time when you're in a relationship so it didn't feel appropriate. And I would prefer to say it in a lengthier way and make it clearer but the lack of space forced me otherwise.

Yes, I do like “getting to know period” better, and as you say, that process never actually ends. But it’ll never start, either, until you’re together physically. You can never truly know someone over the airwaves.

She knows to be very careful with her aim.

Oh my goodness. I'm the 3-part anon (that also messed up the numbers on the first ask because I didn't think it would be so long because yes, the length restriction sucks lemons) and I didn't imagine you'd post my ask(s) as an actual post. Wow, I'm really flattered. Thank you! Also, this recent hate seems absurd. You've made it really crystal clear the "initiation" process is going to be cautious and conscientious. Not to mention it's between two consenting legal adults.

TBH I’m not too comfortable calling it an “initiation” process. It’s most definitely not that. I’m not asking her to prove herself in some way. What I’m proposing is, after getting to know each other enough, to live together for a short period of time EXACTLY as it would be if she were already owned and living with me permanently.

I mean, if you want to know if it will work out or not (for BOTH parties), is that not an efficient way to do it?

I am not a match for you for many reasons...Weight , age (a bit over), lack of will to exercise (so boring unless it's in nature and not with machines) and also, most importantly, I am married and I love my husband. I am loyal. And very needy. But, for the sake of potential candidates, or if I were single, younger and thinner, I really believe you should tone it down. Owning her-YES. Keeping her-of course. Deciding everything for an insecure girl is attractive and soothing.

Nope, I won’t tone it down one iota.

I won’t hide who I am. You get no surprises with me.

This is what I am. Take it or leave it.

What if your sub decided after 2 years that she had enough? Would you kill her or is that where you draw the line? Do you realize that the demand that she comes to you does not cover you from committing false imprisonment? What's the difference between you and Ariel Castro, if there is any? Last, to show such an evil type of authority to your woman is not cool. It's sad you know little about affection and dedication in the tender soft senses of the term.

I get the feeling that these are all a rush of angry words from the same person.

Take a chill pill, relax, and move along to another corner of Tumblr that’s more friendly to your views. You’ll feel better for it.

Good Heavens! Because you have a big dick you think you deserve to be worshiped? Haven't heard such baloney in a long time. Respect must be earned. Are you a good cook? Are you generous with gifts? Why would a young beautiful model type woman want to waste a second of her time with a man who is unable to treat her right? She would have to be legally insane to wish for your senseless cruelty that doesn't shame that of Stalin and Pol Pot.

My my, what bigoted words you offer me!

First you insult my lifestyle, then you portray the girl as mentally deficient because she doesn’t share your opinions.

You either allow women to choose how to live their lives or you don’t. You can’t have it both ways.

To me this all sounds like a worthless effort on the side of the potential sub. If she is to master a boot camp that would challenge that of the Navy or the Marines, she might as well be recruited to the CIA and bring her nation glory instead of to your sad lonely dungeon. Are the forbidden rooms she is not allowed in equipped for selling her pictures? Videos? True relationship is about sharing everything. Even doms, real ones that is, are to be respectful of their subs.

To you it might sound like a worthless effort. But then again I’m not targeting you so it hardly maters.

The rest of your ask is pure bile, and not worth responding to.

In one of your answers you stated, and I'm paraphrasing here, that marriage nor children were able to hold you to your last relationship. My question is then do you have children? If so, what role, if any, would your sub play in their lives? Thank you!

I have a daughter who lives in Japan with her mother. The only role my sub would play in her life is if, as she gets older, she wants to come to Canada for a visit. This part of my life would not be hidden from her.

On Sadism, Masochism, and Intimacy

Reposting a 3-part ask because it’s more convenient to have it all in one post (Tumblr’s length restriction is annoying)

—————-

I feel like what may help people like the previous anon is considering the fact that on one hand you have sadists but on the other side you have masochists who need the things sadists offer. It’s a two-way street. I guess from an outsider’s perspective it doesn’t really make sense to hurt someone you love but it’s an intimate experience. Like, I wouldn’t feel okay with just anyone whipping me etc. But an intimate partner? Yes, please. Also, it’s consensual so there’s not much to argue about.

And there’s an ocean of different reasons why someone - as a masochist - would want their partner(s) to do these things to them. Like, you know you’re making your partner(s) feel good, you’re exploring this hidden side of yourself that enjoys pain as a spice that makes the pleasure sweeter, you offer yourself to a person (or persons) you love and you put so much vulnerable trust into their hands and that strengthens the bond, the marks make you feel special because they did them, and the marks also make you feel special because the partner(s) took the time and effort to make them (it’s like buying someone a necklace for them to wear to be reminded of your affections, but the bruises etc. feel more personal, I think), you see the sadist(s) in this vulnerable state - you see the part of them that the world largely shames and it adds to the intimacy, and many more reasons. That’s my take on it at least.

I'm glad you answered that last question as you did. You're correct, there is no perfect union and it takes work by both people to make the dream work. Some of these criteria questions are sincere but people should realize any relationship has issues. I'm waiting for the question about a sub with a lactose intolerance and if that is a deal breaker.

A dietary requirement is a dietary requirement. I’m not going to force someone to eat something they’re allergic to or their body reacts badly to.

I think the problem is that most people seem to separate the “fantasy” aspect of such a relationship from the “real life” aspect. I don’t. It’s all the same thing.

Do you believe in love? If so, how could you hurt the woman you love? Full control of owning your woman 100% doesn't have to involve pain. Wouldn't your sadism be more suitable for anyone OTHER than the very person you are supposed to protect? If she is a "zero", how come YOU NEED her for gratification? If she is a zero, why would you want to build her up? What about a contract? If this is legit, it needs to be legal. Seen & read plenty about your violence--but NOTHING about comfort & giving.

If you’ve seen nothing about comfort & giving, then you haven’t been trying very hard. Your tone is disrespectful, but perhaps something good will come of my answer so I’ll post anyway.

The deeper my love and the more I care about her, the more I want her to suffer for me. The more I want to rip into her soul. The more I want to see her tears. The more I want to break her. The more I want to own her.

If I don’t care about someone, I don’t want to hurt them, or have anything to do with them for that matter. Torture is an intimate act, and I won’t be intimate with someone I don’t care about.

My love and care also make me want to build her up and protect her and bring her structure and discipline. This kind of relationship takes a LOT of work. Submissives have very specific and high maintenance needs that most people can’t handle. If I didn’t care about her, what would be the point of investing the time and effort?

It’s always gratifying to have the right tools for the job.

You’ll come out when I want to use you; not before.

Good girl.

Do you want to marry your sub? Ever been married? Why is there an age limit? What if you perfect sub were only two years older than you? You could miss on the one because of an arbitrary number...

I might marry her if it’ll simplify things enough with regards to governments, taxes, travel, wills and such. But I don’t believe in any power of marriage to hold a relationship together (especially nowadays when divorce has become so common and humdrum). Neither marriage nor children held me to my last vanilla relationship. I believe in my own power.

Age limit is at least a year younger than me. Full stop. I don’t care if I miss out on an opportunity. If I worried about everything I could miss, I’d never make a decision or take a risk, and I most certainly wouldn’t be where I am today.

No guts, no glory.

That’s my good girl.

You won’t need those for what I’ve got planned.

Serving her purpose.

I have a certain hold over her.

This maybe a stupid question but how do you get yourself to eat so many greens? For me at least, the thought of eating greens especially spinach, chard, and kale (when it isn't in a smoothie or covered in dressing) grosses me out. How do you do you prepare your greens make it taste decent?

You can lightly steam them without destroying the nutrients. That makes them softer and easier to eat for some people. Alternatively, the “baby” versions are usually much softer and a little sweeter.

I actually like them raw. Usually I just put some balsamic vinegar on them, and sometimes a little olive oil. Mixing variety (a mix of spinach, kale, lettuce, spring greens, etc) makes things more interesting. Putting in tomatoes and sprouts and mushrooms and maybe pine nuts or walnuts also enhances the flavor a lot. A side of kimchi or the like is very good. It’s also nice to have your protein (lamb, beef, buffalo, whatnot) on top of a bed of greens.

First cherries of the season!

Would you ever consider taking a submissive with a mental illness/have you ever in the past? How would you/how have you approached it in your rules or care for her? Sorry for the long question.

Just so you know, I’m not singling you out with this; I just want to rant a bit.

It seems that there’s an idea floating around about a “perfect” D/s relationship. An idea that if you could just embody this particular list of traits and abilities, you’ll do okay. And if not, well, you’re at a disadvantage (if you’ll ever find someone at all). Of course the ironic part is that, even though so many seem to believe in this ideal, nobody can quite say what the actual list entails.

When I deal with a submissive, I’m dealing with a person. She’s going to have issues, because all submissives do. She’s going to fuck things up, she’s going to have anxiety, she’s going to have phobias, things she’s absolutely terrible at, demons & regrets, a less than stellar past, worries and melt downs, and we’re only just getting started. She may have other complications, like epilepsy or cancer or poor circulation or deaf-mute or schizophrenia or a heart condition or depression or any myriad possibility. It’s called being human.

When you look online at all these pictures of perfect BDSM scenes and perfect stories and perfect anecdotes and perfect love letters between sub and dom, there’s a BIG part of a dominant’s role that is too often overlooked: Care.

Care means a lot of things. It means actually giving a damn what happens to her. It means wanting her to live a good life. It means supporting her where she’s weak. It means being there for her when she breaks down. It means taking time out to tell her you love her. It means understanding her limits and approaching them with compassion. And I’m not talking BDSM oriented limits; I’m talking about her limits in life. I’m talking about illness or injury or depressive episodes or even just a bad day and feeling overwhelmed.

We’re all human, and our needs are all unique. When I take a submissive, I may be in charge, but we’re still in this together. The rules I lay down are specific to HER. The training I do is specific to HER. There is no One True Way™ that I just bend her into. It’s a dance. It’s life. Life is messy and exciting and even bizarre sometimes, yet it always finds a way to go outside of your expectations. And I wouldn’t have it any other way.

When your sub is sick, are you more gentle with her or is it like any other day?

Of course I’d be more gentle. I don’t want her condition to worsen.

Focus.

Structure.

Fulfillment.

Gratitude.

Are you feeling it yet, honey?

Her aspirations.

What good girls do.

Aww! You’re so cute!

That’s my good girl.

Because you’re MINE.

Happy 35K!

I love summer!