November 2018


Our last 1.5 years in Numbers

I mentioned frequently already that I have ‘a thing for numbers’ so today I did this little list. Not for you explicitly, but just because I had ‘an itch’ to do it a little bit for myself and mainly for my Master, but when I was finished I thought it’s kind of interesting and something worth sharing. So…


525 days - since our first contact

499 days - since our first date

440 days - since we moved in together and became a couple

109 days - since we married

which means

26 days - between first contact and first date (coincidence, that He had a  family europe trip planned to visit relatives in Norway, for only a month after our first contact)

60 days - between first date and moving in together

(86 days - between first contact and becoming a couple)

332 days - between moving in and wedding

(417/391 days - between first contact/date and wedding)

Yeah…It all happened pretty quickly between us… You can imagine how delighted our parents were about us marrying some foreigner from the other side of the planet after only 11 months together, haha


423 days - of the 440 since we became a couple, we spent together

17 days - we spent apart (10 days He was in Japan, 5 on a business trip (the first trip, the one to Brussels, had been cancelled), 2 I was in Cologne while He was at home)

23 hours at least - of the day that we spend together (one hour sometimes when I go shopping for groceries during His work time)


8793 km (5464 miles) - distance He traveled to be with me

777 km (482 miles) - distance I traveled to be with Him

70,726 km (43,947 miles) - distance He traveled in total during the last 1.5 years

23,726 km (14,723 miles) - distance I traveled in total during the last 1.5 years

of which 22,949 km (14,260 miles) - distance we traveled together


5 times - we moved (3 times within the city, then Canada and back)

7 cities in 3 countries - we’ve been to together (not counting places we went through while travelling, only cities we actually visited)

25 - members of His family, friends and neighbors I met

5 - members of my family (4) and friend (1) He met

5 - times that we visited His family

4 - times that we visited my family (incl 1 when my mom visited us)

1 - Christmas and Birthday (each) we spent together

7 times - that I had to take off my collar (family visits and doctor’s appointments/medical reasons, and once when He filed the edges)

9 times - we had to go to a doctor’s office, clinic or hospital together (5 times because of me, 4 times because of Him)

of which 1 time - that His life, as in physical survival, was in danger (and eventually Him spending a night in the ER’s shock room and me, totally nerve wrecked, at His bedside holding His hand while He was mumbling nonsense from the morphine)

1 - stuffed animal that He got me (:

1 or 2 - times that we skipped breakfast or dinner

26 - different papers we have to file in with the German government to get Him a marriage visa (including getting our Canadian marriage acknowledged here)


1 - fight we had (during my detox)

0 - promises He made to me that He broke

1 - promise I made to Him that I broke

2 times - that I disobeyed Him (very special, complex circumstances though, not 'just because’)

4 - times we went through some serious shit together, the kinds that easily and often completely tank a relationship

including 1 time - that this actually happened / break up (in the very beginning, 4 weeks after we got together), followed by a metatalk to find the problem and how to solve it

1.5 days - between break up and getting back together / that we were separated

0 - times afterwards, that anything threatened our relationship again

once - that He seriously made me cry out of sadness and desperation with something He said

once - that I seriously made Him cry out of sadness and desperation with something I said


Estimated average values (all 'per day’ and to all applies a 'at the very least’)

10 - that we laugh together

including 1 time - that we play with the other’s wedding band, then say something like 'You’re stuck with me - foreeevaaaaa!’ and then we laugh

20 - that we hug and/or kiss each other, hold hands, that I lick or chew on Him, sometimes boop His nose (and giggle), that He plays with my hair or slaps my ass, or other loving or weird expressions of affection

3 - that we have a (real) conversation (not just a few sentences) about ourselves or a topic that we both find interesting

once - that I learn something from Him that I didn’t know before

5 - that I tell Him 'I love You’

5 - that He shows me, non verbally, 'I love You’ in some way

5 - that He does something that causes me to say 'You are so weird! … I love that about You!’, usually followed by a kiss

0.33 - that, after I asked for a specific English word, I say 'Whaaat? You don’t have a word for that in English? Well in German we have an extra word for that, and it’s…’

0.33 - that something reminds Him of a (weird) song and when I ask what it is, after He started singing it, He says 'Whaaat? Have you never heard of this song?!’


Prophecies (estimated Minimum values)

55 - more years that we will have together before one of us dies (probably I, because we decided that I have to die before Him since I’m more dependant on Him than He is on me and also I couldn’t deal with this kind of a loss anyway - and we just expect death/fate to abide by this decision of ours)

10/5- cats/dogs that we will have during this time

0 - breakups/divorce or relationship breaks, cases of adultery, betrayal/disloyalty or other intentional damage caused to each other

10 - more serious fights and challenging situations that we will have about something (we’re only humans after all)

lots - of tears that we will cry, we’re both emotional beings so there’s no way around tears, but more of them of joy rather than sadness

4 - cars that we will have, consecutively (I don’t like getting another car if it’s not really necessary, I form a bond with my car and drive it until it dies and then I’m sad)

20 - sheep or alpaka that we will have at some point on the farm in Canada

hundreds - more of good and bad TV shows and movies that we will watch together and dissect for their logical flaws

thousands - of interesting, challenging, funny, serious, important, irrelevant, meaningful conversations

tens of thousands - of whiplashes, cane or crop hits, ass- and face slaps, electro shocks, and hours restrained blindfolded and/or gagged, for me :D

millions - of things that we will learn about each other during our lifetime

5 - times that I will cause some serious major fuck up (I’m talking on the scale of accidentally burn down the house or kill the cat or cut off His or my arm or the like) that He will forgive me in the end after some sort of really nasty punishment

I’m such an optimist (:

Wait… what? 10 cats 5 dogs???

Dovey, we need to talk.

Are you training or developping her masochism?

Nope, and I wouldn’t even if it were possible. I like it the way it is.

Do you watch her peeing?


Do you personally think master and slave should be erased from computer language ?

No. But then again, I’m not American.

Do you prefer if your slave enjoys humiliation, or rather like her suffering even if consensually?

Either is fine.

Ever thought about during rope in her, when your cuffs are out of reach?

I’m not a fan of rope.

Hi, great to read your blog! Asa you seem to be the software guy: Do you believe in TDD? And if so (or also, if not so), is there a equivalent in BDSM, in how to keep her?

Software written with TDD tends to be less broken. My approach to TDD is a little different:

TDD isn’t applicable to BDSM. You’re not going to have a set of tests you do with your implements every time you change your workout.

Is pee play part of your dynamic?

No, and it never will be. The humiliation aspect is cool, but on the whole it’s too repulsive to me.

Attention whore.

You will gratefully treat this precious gift of life with the utmost respect.

Pathetic is beautiful.

My Dom never just hangs out with me... I want us time where we can be silly and cuddle and talk like before I'm tired of always kneeling to him... We had a meta talk and he said that he didn't know what to tell me he can't just turn off his dominance Thoughts? He's such an amazing Dom



I’m puzzled by your statement “he’s such an amazing Dom.” To me, he sounds like someone who doesn’t understand what “his dominance” is. It isn’t something one turns on and off like a light switch. And it sounds like the content of what he considers “his dominance” consists of you kneeling and most likely associated kinky fuckery. D/s couples, if they’re doing it right, are able to “be silly and cuddle and talk” without having to “turn off” anything. 

Okay, this will be a long post because this kind of struck a nerve in me. And this topic really is important so please read this.


This misconception that Doms are or are supposed to be all time strict and serious and ‘behave superior’ and (the common cliché of) ‘manly’, that all they do all day long is barking orders and keeping their sub on a leash or having them kneel, that being a (good/normal/exemplary) Dom means playing a role 24/7, this makes me genuinely sad.

I’m confronted with this all the time because of the kind of relationship we have and/in combination with the kind of blog I run. For example just a few days ago someone wrote in an Ask to my Master how 'wrong’ it would be for me as a slave to think about going back to school and thereby (by not being chained up in His house 24/7) trying to escape 'his firm grip’, and for Him to support that. That it would be a 'sacrilege’ on my part and 'unfair’ towards Him to even consider that. I get this kind of feedback, to a lesser degree, too sometimes. People telling me I’m not a 'real/good/true slave’ because I dare to goof around with my Master, that it would be disrespectful not to sit at His feet all the time but also on the couch with Him, questioning Him as a Dom, as my Master for being considerate and thoughtful, sometimes even, oh my goodness, 'needy’ (as in 'in need for affection or a shoulder to lean on’ or the like), for 'allowing’ me to voice all my opinions and thoughts no matter what and always taking them as serious as His own. I also hear it sometimes that my blog would be too 'soft’, focusing too much on the so called 'soft sides’ of our relationship and of my husband. Because I share more about how we talk a lot, and cuddle, our 'Hugs First Policy’, how much we love each other, than about the kinky shenanigans. Guess what… that’s because our marriage is love first and kink second, is cuddles and conversations more than pain and sex.

That doesn’t make Him less of a Dom or me less of a sub, and it doesn’t mean we would 'turn our Dominance/submission off’ while not engaged in sex, S&M and Co. He is always my Master, He is always in charge, He always decides where to go, He always leads and I always follow, and I always obey and worship Him. He is my Master who I worship when I kneel before Him in chains and eat from the floor, and just as much when we’re cuddling on the couch, telling each other bad jokes, laughing together, also about one another (all of which we do every single day), or when I tell Him that I disagree with one of His opinions or question His view on something. This is no disrespect, that’s a happy couple, and it doesn’t change who we are.

He just nailed it, when we were talking about this Ask: “D/s is not what you do, it’s who you are.”

As I said, and that’s actually my point and what I’m getting at… This misconception it would be the other way around seriously makes me sad, because everybody who falls for it, is missing out so so much, actually the best of it, the core and heart of D/s. The exceptional intimacy, mutual care, trust, closeness, true companionship and loyalty, stability and a deep feeling of security. And that’s the real tragedy here.

And here on Tumblr we’re right in the middle of the origin of this misery. Because that’s how D/s is represented, say 75% of the time, at least, in art, media and even many people’s personal blogs (which is no criticism but just a simple statement, everybody should please run their blogs in whatever fashion they want and with what they feel most comfortable sharing). Most of what you see of D/s from the outside is whips and chains and kneeling subs with strong tall men with serious faces towering above them. But that’s not 75% of D/s, it’s rather 25%. That’s one reason why I like it better to post about how gentle and thoughtful my Master is, than about His strictness and sadism. There’s enough of that on Tumblr, and everywhere, already. There’s no need for the millionth blog about (mainly) whips and chains. And what we have is not about whips and chains anyway, no loving D/s relationship is, these are just (fun) toys, it’s about mutual care. So that’s what I want to write about.


@anon who wrote this Ask

To feel, in your own actual relationship, like you have to be 'in the role’ 24/7, that 'just hanging out’ would be leaving this role, like your Dom seems to do, is possibly more/something else, than just a misunderstanding of what D/s is or can be. To keep someone kneeling and 'behaving inferior’ constantly is a (-n effective) way to stay distant, to not allow yourself to let go, to open up to another. To me this appears to be rooted in an insecurity about intimacy (just my personal impression based on what you wrote, so eventually just speculation since I don’t know your Dom, but hopefully the thought invoking kind).

A D/s based relationship is still a relationship and people in relationships normally have a need to be close to each other, to be intimate, not only physically but also emotionally and mentally. Now I don’t say you couldn’t be intimate while kneeling and serving, of course that is or can be a very intimate thing to do, but to refuse anything else than that, even though and especially since you explicitly expressed your need for this, is creating distance.

This is not to bad mouth your Dom. You say he’s an amazing Dom and I’m sure you wouldn’t feel that way if he wouldn’t have a lot of good qualities and you wouldn’t be generally happy with him. This is just something that would probably be beneficial to the both of you, him too, to talk to him about. About intimacy and closeness and that you don’t have to 'turn off’ dominance in order to express and receive it. I wish you good luck.


D/s is not what you do. It’s who you are! 🌸

Their purpose is to please men.

Sleep well, princess. I hope you’ll be in a better mood tomorrow.

Does she usually carry marks from your precision strikes? currently? proudly?

Actually, it’s very hard to mark her up. She’s got some crazy regeneration thing going on…

Holes are toys.

Good girl.

Dance for me, honey. Show me how much you value my air.

You’re always useful to me.

We enjoy long nature walks.

Every noise you make adds another hour down there. If you can take your punishment like a good girl, you’ll only do 17.

I feed you and give you shelter, cunt. You’ve got nothing to complain about.

Which are your favorite physical tools to shape her mindset?

Depends on how I’m feeling, but I am partial to the cane and crop. I do like precision strikes.

Are you ready to thank me for taking such good care of you?

Show me your pretty little smile!

Or would you like things to get worse?

Don’t worry about where they should be or what they should do; you can’t do anything I don’t want you to.

Why does my browser label your tumblr blog as "unsafe" while others aren't?

No clue.

Do you have a dungeon for her? Or do you take her to one sometimes?

Ther’s no dungeon here. We’re in transition to a spot in the countryside.

As a new exploring couple: How important are toys and tools to make your slave as intensely helpless as it deserves, and what are your favorite restraints to see her in? Do you prefer it to still fight the restraints, or rather give in?

Toys are tools for shaping a mindset, but no amount of toys will compensate for character.

Followed you over 1.5 years. As a sub I too made drastic changes for my husband as you did for your wife (I believe it's the woman, not the man, who should do them to prove herself worthy). I was without legal status and even lived like a hostage, which most slaves can't really accept and for me it was paradise. My husband is smart and kind but he never changed because of the gifts of my body and mind. It seems you have been changing a little. Didn't you want a woman to attend to you 24/7?

Second Part: do you have any concern your wife is beginning to be bored with the routine you’re providing her with, and that disappearing daily for “studying” is a short hop back to the world of sex, crime and drugs? No need to publish this: it’s between you, me and her. What happened to your demands of farm life that will keep her occupied while you work so hard? Bending rules is ok. Bending your core is not. She could self study or work from home. Not good to lose control for hours daily.

Last Part: you could say it was somewhat easy for me to give total control to my husband. I wasn’t homeless or a criminal but I was a very lonely woman in a cruel world with absolutely no family and friends. My husband works from home as you do. I would never dream about being anywhere else but by his side, serving him. You saved Dovey and love her so much I’m rather shocked by her wanting to stray away from your secure grip. In my eyes it’s more than wrong. It’s sacrelige. And UNFAIR to you. 🙄


I’m not really sure what you mean; she does attend to me, as I like. She’s not bored with the routine because there isn’t much of a routine to speak of. We’re in transition, and have been for the past year as we get all our ducks in a row. Even this apartment is only temporary as we look for a rural location to settle in long term (which means it’s not a decision to be taken lightly). The study is for her intellectual stimulation, which she can’t get while I’m working, and possibly not even after if it’s been a rough day. Intellectual stimulation and growth is important to me, which means it’s important for her. I’m just glad she’s intelligent and thoughtful, otherwise this would be a chore. Truth be told, I’m secretly glad she’s interested in philosophy, because I plan to vicariously follow her studies ;-)

Let’s be clear: Your relationship is not my relationship, nor do either of our relationships provide an objective benchmark of goodness or badness. Relationships are about needs. If both of your needs are satisfied, then it’s a good relationship. Both of our needs are satisfied, and we work to keep them satisfied, so it’s a good relationship.

Every day is fun day!

A perfect fit!

What is the most attractive quality you love in your man? As someone who reads his and your blog, what I admire about him the most is his determination to get what he wants, what he believes in. It's his resilience and focus on what he holds dear. His courage and continuous energy to fight for his happiness, which means fighting for you. People love to read about it in books and watch romantic movies but fail to recognize it in real life. A real man like him doesn't let others decide for him.





What I love about my man?! This is going to be a loooooong post … (: (I couldn’t reduce it to one single quality I love the most, there are just too many that I equally love)

The points you mentioned are definitely qualities I admire about Him too.

But of course there is much more:

(in alphabetical order)


✜ Communication

I love about Him, that He has a need for direct, open communication and that He has the ability and the will to communicate directly and openly what is important or relevant to communicate. If something I did bothers Him, if I made a mistake, if there is any kind of problem for Him, He doesn’t just get annoyed or angry but stays silent like so many men do it - which completely poisons the interpersonal atmosphere - but He comes and talks to me about it, instantly and in the most direct way*. He tells me what His problem is, we discuss and solve it. And after we did this, the subject is off the table, it’s over, there is no further discussion about it, no need for further discussion (because everything there is to discuss already has been discussed during the communication-process), and the situation has been resolved. Afterwards there are no negative feelings left, the harmony is restored.

(* I mean literally instantly, direct and open - best example for this just a few days ago. I woke up in the morning from a ‘Good morning Dovey’ and not a minute later, I didn’t even really open my eyes yet, He started telling me, that He didn’t like the tone of a text message I wrote Him during the night while He was sleeping. He read it in the morning, woke me up and instantly told me that He has a problem. - But He didn’t wake me up by telling me the problem, He woke me up by a lovely “Good morning Dovey” and then started to communicate His problem. I can’t imagine a better way to do it… well, maybe wait until after I had a coffee (: but in general it’s perfect like He did it, because He made sure, we didn’t start the day in a bad mood - His bad mood which I would have sensed and thereby gotten into a bad mood myself - but instead solved the situation first thing in the morning so we could start the day in harmony. And that’s exactly what it is about, this is the kind of communication, direct and instantly after the problem without delay, that preserves the harmony in a relationship.)

✜ Harmony

This relates to the paragraph above. I love it ( SO MUCH! - this really is an important point ) that He has a strong need for harmony. If we have an argument, He makes sure that we solve it. If there is a tense atmosphere between us He comes to me and hugs me or does something nice to resolve it. And He is not afraid or too proud to be the one who makes the first step.

This is especially important because I must admit, I have a problem to do that myself. I also have a very strong need for harmony, it bothers me extremely if there is any kind of disharmony between us, it makes me depressive, but I have a problem to make the first step to change it. This is a leftover from my ten year abusive relationship, in which it was always me who had to be the one to make this first step after an ‘argument’ (~him yelling at and insulting me because it is my fault that water is wet and it proves how worthless and terrible I am or the like), who had to make the move towards him and do something (usually saying that everything was of course my fault and apologize for being such a terrible person plus a blowjob or a similar sign of submission and surrender - which made my downright physically sick) to reestablish an atmosphere in which a normal life was possible again. Of course it’s a completely different situation with my Master now, but it just takes a while to get rid of this relict from the past, I’m still learning to do that. So I’m very grateful, that He is able and willing to be the one to make the first step after an argument sometimes when I’m not able to do it. Well, we don’t really have serious arguments, but generally speaking.

I definitely love this very much about Him. That harmony in our relationship is so important for Him and that He isn’t this kind of guy full of false pride that prevents Him to make the first step to solve a tense situation.

✜ He is a human being

He is, of course, naturally, a human being, as which He is not perfect and I love about Him that He is not this absolutely flawless, perfect creature some people (girls) here seem to perceive Him as. The Ask was about the qualities I love about Him so of course I list His positive traits, of which He has plenty. But as a human, He also does have His flaws and shortcomings and negative character traits that annoy me or that I don’t like like every other person including myself and I’m glad that He has these. I am a complete wreck, I’m physically and mentally ill and massively ‘flawed’ - whereas He, despite being a human being - is close to perfect by human standards in general already and even more by my personal standards in particular. If He would be even more flawless than He already is, I would feel completely unworthy of Him and my self-confidence would probably burn away in a second in the sunshine-like bright light radiating from His halo. No… that wouldn’t work. I’m too much of a mess to have a relationship with a saint. I love about Him, that He is not one, but does have His negative traits and annoying sides and flaws too.

✜ Humor

He can be so funny. You guys have no idea… His sense of humor is something you don’t see on His blog but I guarantee you, it’s there, and it’s, in my opinion, a really good one. He makes me laugh every single day (some days several times - and I’m not exactly the most positive and cheerful kind of character) just by saying something funny. I definitely love that about Him.

✜ Intelligence & Manners

His intellect is also a quality I love in my man. It is important for me, that we can have a conversation beyond topics like the weather or Trumps pussy grabbing skills. It is important that He can follow my way to think, that He is capable of logical thinking, that He has a certain general knowledge and education.

I also like it when a man has good manners, which He has. A master should know how to behave himself in different situations, how to make a good impression, which my Master does.

✜ Kindness

He just is a very kind person in general. He is polite, friendly, He treats other people with respect (as long as they don’t give Him a reason not to) regardless of their appearance, gender, race etc, He is helpful, has always an open ear and helpful words for those who ask for it. That’s also something I love about Him.

✜ Kink / Fetishes

I like His personal type of kink, His fetishes, His kind of sadism, His preferences and aversions regarding sexuality etc. very much - they match mine virtually perfectly.

For example His sadism. He is not a generally sadistic person, ‘sadistic’ is not one of His character traits, it’s a fetish and that’s a huge difference. He doesn’t like to see me suffer, to torture me, to inflict pain on me in daily life, it’s only a sexual thing for Him, or rather, something in the realm of sexuality in the broadest sense. (One could say that this is a matter of course in BDSM - but no, in my experience it isn’t. It certainly should be, but there are more than enough Doms out there, outside and also inside of the community, who are character-sadists.) But at the same time, He is not the kind of sadist who wants me to enjoy it, He doesn’t need a masochist, He wants me to really suffer. Which is the only way SM works for me, because I am not a masochist, I can’t enjoy pain, pain does not turn me on - for me it is about serving Him by making a sacrifice for Him, which necessarily implies that I do really suffer. Perfect match.

I also love it, very much, about Him that D/s, M/s, TPE is NOT a kink or fetish for Him, but an identity, a lifestyle, a life. For me it’s the same. TPE is not a sexual thing - or not more or less as life is a sexual thing - but it is a relationship-concept, and He shares this point of view.

And the things that are (our) kinks and fetishes and that are not, our preferences, our limits, match very well too. We have exactly the same limits which gives us the freedom to have, in practice, no limits at all within our personal world of sexuality. Our aversions are also basically exactly the same, for example that we both don’t like this rubber and latex thing or that we don’t like others to participate in our sexuality (threesomes, gangbangs, swingerclub etc) and many other things; and so are our preferences.

I also love about Him that He is capable of, what I call, ‘sexual egoism’, to just take me and use my body for His sexual satisfaction. It surprises me in a way but in my experience that’s an exception among good Masters; most men who are capable of sexual egoism are at the same time egocentrics by character (= not good masters) and most men who are good masters have problems to completely focus only on their sexual impulses while ignoring their counterpart one’s. But I need a sexual egoist. I love about Him that He is capable of sexually 100% ego-centric behavior.

I love it about Him, that He matches me so well in all these ways, that He meets my needs in terms of sexuality so perfectly and that I meet His. And btw not only in sexual things, I love that we meet each others needs in general so well.

✜ Physical appearence

Of course I also love His physical attributes - His body is hot as hell (:

He has private sessions for boxing and yoga with a personal trainer/fitness- and nutrition-coach four to five times a week plus does His upper body-, core- and legs-workout almost every day, He doesn’t eat sugar, almost no carbs, salad for every breakfast and dinner, doesn’t smoke, drinks tea instead of coffee, drinks alcohol only rarely and lives in general extremely healthy – and (/which, in this extreme combination, is crazy, but) it shows! There is not a single gram of fat too much on His body, He has a perfectly firm body from top to toe. He is above average tall (6′2 / 190cm) and has the perfect height for me (5′7 / 170cm, so He is still taller than me even when I’m wearing high heels). He has such beautiful hands. Hands are very important for me, if I don’t like a man’s hands, I can’t find him attractive in general, the hands are my favourite part of a man’s body (they are the only part of the body that can touch you everywhere and in so many different ways and intensities, no other part can do that). And His are beautiful, strong hands with (very) long, delicate fingers and all time perfectly filed nails. Another thing… His skin. Oh my god, His skin *drools*! His skin is the softest I ever touched; seriously, I don’t exaggerate, I never met an adult man with skin this soft in my whole life before - His skin is really not normal, in the most positive way. And it’s so warm, always and everywhere, which is perfect since mine is always cold, so I can warm myself up by touching Him (which I do btw constantly, at every opportunity - my hands spend more time under His shirt than at any other place on this planet *g*).

Well… I stop here for the sake of readability (length of the post). I could go on with this paragraph forever but I think you got it by now - I find Him sexy as fuck, I love and most passionately adore every square centimetre of Him and I can’t get enough of this godlike body of His ♥ (:

✜ Possessive, protective and responsible

He is VERY possessive and VERY protective. He has a strong sense of ownership over me and He protects and fights for what is His against all odds. He really sees Himself as my Owner and I need Him to feel this way, I need Him to own me. I love it that I feel owned and protected by Him, I love about Him that He has this feeling of owning me and that He protects me no matter what. I love it that He is aware of the responsibility that comes with owning me and that He is not afraid to take it. And that He is this kind of character who is not only willing but actually capable of bearing such a huge responsibility and being someone another human being is completely dependant on, to care for another to this immense degree that is required in this kind of relationship, someone one can really rely upon as it is absolutely necessary to rely upon a Master as a slave. I love about Him that He is this, very rare, kind of master whom you just believe without doubt when he says ‘Everything is going to be alright’.

✜ Temper and attitude

He is most times very much even-tempered and calm. He doesn’t get angry easily, He doesn’t get loud or even aggressive - extreme situations that really are a reason to get loud or angry excluded of course, but towards me He never loses His temper.

What I also love about Him is, that He never really complains about things. He says He wouldn’t complain because complaining doesn’t make sense, it doesn’t change the situation, and objectively that’s of course right but most people do it anyway because it’s just a natural thing to do normally. Not for Him. When I warm my literally icecold hands under His shirt on His warm body He never complains that I’m causing Him an unpleasant physical sensation. When He had a very severe headache once He didn’t complain about the pain, He said nothing about it, He just suffered through it until it was over. When we had to wait for almost three hours at the foreigners office in order to get information about His residence permit and then missed our number and all the waiting was in vain and we had to come back another day and do it all over again, He didn’t complain about how annoying this is, He just said ‘Okay then let’s come back tomorrow, let’s get up early in the morning and be here 15 minutes before the office opens so that we don’t have to wait this long again and don’t miss our number again’. He never complains and I love that.

✜ The (not so) ‘little’ things (that mean so much)

I love it how He wakes me with a “Good morning Dovey” in the morning and how He ends my day with a “Good night Dovey” in the evening - while holding me in His arms. I love it how He strokes my hair while hugging me, while I’m sitting at His feet, while I fall asleep with my head on His shoulder. I love it when He plays the guitar for me; He plays so beautifully (and that’s an old recording, by now He is even much better). I love it that He is so attentive, that He notices it when I cleaned the kitchen, that He thanks me every time I made Him a tea, that He compliments me when I’m doing something well. I love it to hear Him say “Good girl”, “You are mine” or “You make me proud”. I love about Him that He is a sadist because I love to sacrifice myself for His satisfaction, entertainment and pleasure, I love it to see and feel that it turns Him on to hurt me and that it makes Him happy that I endure pain for Him. I love it how He holds me close in His arms after He hurt me. I love it how He looks while He is sleeping. I love it how He looks while He is working ~ concentrating. I love about Him that He is physically strong and able to defend Himself and to protect me. I love His job, programmer is definitely a ‘sexy’ job for (someone like) me. I already mentioned it, but once again: I love His supernaturally soft skin and I love His hands! I love His independence - He just follows His dreams no matter what others say, He does His thing regardless of other people’s opinion about it. I love about Him that He is a sensitive and emotionally deep person. I love about Him that He has a strong will, is very self-confident, assertive, mentally stable, organized, rational. I love about Him that He isn’t someone who subconsciously tries to compensate for something by dominant behavior, but is a ‘real’ Dominant, meaning a Dominant by character and genes, a classical ‘Alpha-male’. I love about Him that He loves me! I love about Him that He came to me, half way around the planet, when I wasn’t able to come to Him so we could be together which wouldn’t have been possible otherwise, I love about Him that He did that for me!


I could go on with this list forever. This is only a very small excerpt of the thousand pages book about everything I love about Him, but I think it still gives a good impression already of what it is, that makes my need to serve Him and to make Him happy no matter what, and what makes me myself happy with Him as my Master (:

Wow… I’m… speechless. I love many things about Dovey, but one of my favorites is her mind. With her, ideas aren’t just things to pass through one’s head, but rather playgrounds and puzzles to explore in great depth. Concepts are for following to their logical conclusion. Inconsistencies are to be resolved, no matter how long it takes. She’s one of those rare people who doesn’t suffer from cognitive dissonance. What she says is what she truly believes, and she’s more than prepared to supply evidence to support her reasoning.

I love you, Dovey <3

P.S. The reason why my skin is soft like that is largely because of my diet. What you eat has a HUGE effect on all parts of your body, including your skin. I also don’t use soap on my skin except in extreme circumstances (grease or dirty motor oil or something).

It makes me smile and it makes me happy to read You saying such nice things about me, Sir, thank You.

Thank You for keeping me, for everything You do for me. You are honestly the best Master, Owner, Partner I can imagine. I am so happy, that You own me, I am so happy to be Your slave, Your pet, Your girl, to be the (lucky) one You love and care for. You are a wonderful Keeper.

I love You too, Sir ♡

That was one year ago. We were only together for a few months, freshly in love and didn’t know each other very well yet - well enough though for me to be able to name a hundred lovable things about Him already, but still nothing compared to now.

With everything I learned new about my Master during the last year, I can extend this list of things, that I love about Him, by a few more and deeper aspects:

1) He leads by example, not orders.

Of course He does give me orders sometimes and He doesn’t do everything He expects from me Himself as well (like my chores) and there are specific rules that only apply to me as His slave and not to Him as my Master. But in general there is nothing that He would expect from me, that He doesn’t at the same time give to me in ruturn.

He expects me to do my chores, and in return works every day for eight hours to put food on the table. No matter if He didn’t sleep and is tired, has a headache or is in a bad mood, He does His job. He expects obedience and in return gives me His strength and leadership and care. He expects commitment, honesty, loyalty and devotion and is the most committed, honest, loyal and devoted partner Himself.

Actually He gives more, than what He expects from me. When I’m sick, I don’t have to do my chores or when I’m very tired because I didn’t sleep well He helps me sometimes. When He is sick, He works regardless - to make Him take time off work He must be half dead already. He is way more lenient with me. Also He doesn’t expect the same discipline from me, that He has, but for compensation for that He expects obedience. He doesn’t expect me to always be disciplined enough to instantly do what I should be doing on my own (He does expect that I do my best and a certain degree of discipline of course though) but when I fall short He isn’t angry but simply expects obedience to His order to finally do it already, which I of course do. In general He seems to have much higher standards to Himself than to me, He is more forgiving towards me than Himself.

And I found, that this is a great characteristic of a Dominant, because that’s exactly what inspires me to improve myself. I never noticed it before because I never had a Dom like this before, but with Him I realized that this is something I need, really need in order to improve myself, to push myself a little further in the right direction, to become a better slave and person in general. Leading by example works much better for me than leading by orders does. Of course I follow His orders and I like to do that, I like it to serve Him, it makes me happy, but no order can do what this behavior does somehow automatically in a very subtle way. He can order me to clean the kitchen and of course I do it, but when I see Him, simple example, mowing the lawn for four hours in the heat outside, so that we don’t have so many mosquitos (which only bite me, not Him), it’s like an implied order (more one I give to myself than coming from Him) to become active myself plus more. I feel happy and grateful for having such a wonderful Master who works hard to provide a good life for us and no matter how tired or sick I might be, I feel the overwhelming need to show Him how grateful and happy and proud of Him I am by doing things for Him, that I know make Him happy or His life easier.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t mean to say that I wouldn’t have the need to do nice things for Him anyway, that He would have to earn my service by actual work. I don’t expect that, His love and care for me is all I could ask for already and all I need to feel that He is worth my devotion. But that He chooses to do that Himself, to earn what I give to Him, every day, to prove Himself to be a good, responsible, disciplined Dominant and Caretaker in so many different ways, He doubles my, already strong, desire to be a good wife and slave for Him, to become a better person for Him and myself. He inspires that in me by His actions, more than demanding it by orders. Isn’t that wonderful? I love that about Him!

2) He is such a gentle soul. He can be strict, and sometimes sadistic naturally, in His actions, but at the same time He has a gentle heart.

He is kind to people and treats them with respect. He is very polite. He is very compassionate with me, when I am or feel weak, physically or mentally. He finds joy in petting or playing with the cat and always makes sure that she is the happiest kitty she could possibly be (and does the same for me (: ). He likes it to cuddle and hug, sometimes at night He reaches out for me and holds on to me in His sleep, like I do it with my stuffed animal. It makes Him happy to hear from me that I love Him and that I’m so proud of Him for everything that He does for us.

He is just in general a good man. The best <3 I love that about Him.

3) He is super supportive in everything that makes me happy.

I listened to Him playing the guitar for over a year and then I wanted to learn it myself. So He takes time to show it to me, teach me songs, review my technique, and praises me when I’m doing well.

We were talking about me maybe going back to university because my brain needs something to do, I get really bored being a housewive only and not to have anything to do that challenges my intellect (enough). When I asked Him what He would think about that He said: ‘Sure, by all means, do it.’ And I clarified: ‘Hm, but I don’t mean to get a degree in order to get a job, but just doing something that interests me, like philosophy or mathematics or so… I wouldn’t make any money off that, it would just be to be mentally challenged and learn new things that I find interesting. And it would mean I’m away from home for a few hours each day, I know you wouldn’t like that. And also we couldn’t live too far outside, as you like it best, we would have to be close enough to a city with a university. And I would probably feel bad about it anyway, to just do what is fun for me, while you would be working to make it possible, it feels selfish.’ And He answered something like: 'Of course I would miss you when you’re not around. But I’d be working anyway, so I’d be distracted, it would be okay. And we would find a nice place to live regardless. If this is something you need and that makes you happy, then you should absolutely do it. It’s not selfish, it doesn’t bother me to be and stay the one to earn the money, that’s fine. I would expect you to still do your chores and to not let this get in the way of our relationship, our together time, but if you can do that, go right ahead, I would be nothing but proud of you. I’ve totally got your back in this.’

My Master is the most supportive person I have and have ever had in my life. I love that about Him!

4) He married me, despite me being a handful to put it mildly (not in terms of sassiness but because of my hundred 'issues’ like addiction, criminal record etc). But He sees and loves the person behind the issues and was and is willing to face and go through them with me together. He literally sticks with me and is there for me in good and bad times. I love that about Him.

5) He is so 'stable’ in His life and character. I rarely have to wonder how He might react to something, because His behavior is perfectly predictable for me. Of course He is stressed sometimes or in a better or worse mood depending on the circumstances, but in general there are no major ups or downs with Him. Nothing is ever very much out of the ordinary. There is a routine He sticks to. His life is in order and His character in harmony. Some people might find that boring but for me it’s perfect. It gives me security and makes me feel safe. This also extends to how our relationship and love feels in general. I’m not scared that if I’d fuck something up, that He wouldn’t love me anymore, that something could seriously threaten our bond or relationship. It feels solid and stable and unshakable, and so does His love for me.

He gives me a feeling of safety in so many ways, like I never had it before. I love that about Him.

6) I already mentioned this one in the original post, but I have to do it again because it’s so important. He is so funny (: He has a great sense of humor and we laugh together every single day. I laughed more in the 1.5 years with Him than in the 15 years before. Nobody can make me laugh like He can. I love that about Him.

7) He supports me in improving myself and working on problems, but He never wants or tries to change me as a person. Even though I fucked up my life pretty badly in the past, He never makes me feel like I’m a fuckup (even when He lovingly calls me His 'little fuckup’ sometimes, He doesn’t make me feel like a real fuckup by that). He tells me that He values my intellect and loyalty, that I have a good heart and am a kind person, that I’m the cutest thing ever (along with baby giraffes), that He trusts me unconditionally and always feels comfortable around me, and other nice things, instead of criticizing me for my failures or all the things I screwed up in my life.

He always gives me the feeling that I’m good and enough and that I’m right for Him exactly as I am and that He is happy to have me. I love that about Him!

8) He is confident enough in His Dominance, His life, character, skills, achievements, in Himself, that He doesn’t need or have a big Ego or the urge to prove anything to anybody or that He would have to play strong all the time.

He feels secure enough in His role as my Master that He doesn’t feel weak or thinks I would consider it weak when He is emotional, be it sadness or cuteness or anything in between. He doesn’t have a problem to admit when He doesn’t know something, to ask coworkers for help in His new job when He doesn’t understand something, to realize that some people are more intelligent than Him (there aren’t many though really), or stronger or better at this or that, that doesn’t reduce His feeling of self worth or pride in His own qualities and accomplishments. He is not the most humble person on this planet but He is not arrogant either.

He is in general just confident in and happy with what and who He is. I love that about Him!

9) He is a Fighter. He always fought for what He wanted, He pursues His goals and dreams with the utmost endurance and discipline and He doesn’t care what others might think about that.

Right after college, almost 25 years ago, He moved to Japan, with nothing more than a place on a friend’s couch there, no job, little money, no apartment, without knowing the language or much about the culture. Everybody said He’s crazy but He did it and succeeded. Found a well paid job, learned Japanese, fell in love and got a daughter. - Seven years ago He moved to California to found a Startup together with basically a stranger who He met online, with no apartment there, He lived in His RV in the beginning. Everybody said that He’s crazy, that the vast majority of Silicon Valley Tech Startups never make it, that it would be a waste of time in the best case. But He did it anyway and today this former starting out of nothing -Startup is one of the very few that made it and became a success. - A little over one year ago He moved to Germany for this Junkie girl who He met on Tumblr. Everybody said He’s crazy, that this can never work and is doomed to fail and in the best case will only end in heartache and a few thousand dollar loss for travel expanses. He did it anyway and today we’re married and both happier than we’ve ever been before without each other.

My Master never gives up on His dreams and fights everything that comes between Him and what He wants to achieve tooth and nail. No matter how many setbacks there are (and He had quite a few), He always gets up one more time than He falls down and continues on His path towards whatever makes Him happy. And more often than not He succeeds eventually. I love that about Him! Especially since one of the things He fought so hard for is me.

10) He is very possessive and protective, and a control freak of a sort, but never in a way that makes me feel like in a prison, but in a way that makes me feel safe.

This is partially connected to 8), His confidence. I’m the only member of His 'inner circle’ and He would kill, if necessary, to protect me and keep me safe, but He is not anxious or insecure about losing me, so that He is perfectly fine with giving me freedom. He isn’t jealous at all, I can talk here or anywhere to whoever I want to, male or female, dominant or submissive and He just knows that I would never do anything that would even remotely violate the boundaries of our Dynamic. He controls most aspects of my life as my Master, but when necessary or for whatever reason desired, He doesn’t feel bad about letting go of control for awhile and/or in some way. He knows that I’m generally a capable person and that freedom would never drive me away from Him or the need to have Him in charge.

He has a very strong sense of ownership but isn’t afraid to lose me when giving me more room to move, physically and metaphorically. I love that about Him.

10) He is just the best Master and husband I can imagine. I love Him for being exactly the person He is and I love Him for being the one by my side and for choosing me to be the one by His side.

@keepingher - I love You so much. You’re definitely a (wonderful) Keeper (: ♥️

For anyone reading this and getting discouraged, fear not, for we ARE human. She’s just glossing over my bad days to make me look good. Good girl, Dovey <3

But we do make mistakes. We do have bad days. We do get short tempered with each other sometimes, although we make a point of never going to bed angry or upset.

Dovey is an amazing woman who will move the earth to please her man, cannot bear to see her loved ones sad or hurt, giggles in the cutest ways, cares about the state of the world, and has a mind sharp as a tack. In short: She is the perfect woman for me.

But she is also human. She has weaknesses I help her with. I have weaknesses she helps me with. We both fall short sometimes, and it is for navigating these times that we strive so hard to keep our relationship strong. I really don’t tell her often enough how proud of her I am, how I’ve watched her grow over the past year, how much I value her judgment, how much I just plain love her.

We’re going to grow old together.

Wow… I started this blog as a place to backup my porn after a hard drive crash.

We start things for the most mundane of reasons, not realizing just how much of an impact these tiny decisions will have on our lives. If my hard drive hadn’t crashed, I’d never have discovered Tumblr. Without a blog on Tumblr, I’d never have met so many fine folks and a cool community, never have met Dovey, never have realized what a treasure she is, never have gotten married.

All because that piece of shit hard drive lost my stash!

Lucky me :)

The warmth and security of my love.


Just because.

It’s great to be a man!

I went to all the trouble of bringing you here. You can at least be grateful.

Waiting patiently.


Alright, let’s get back to business!

Hi I've got a few black bitches I want to share I'm fucking.

Thanks, but I only want one slave, and I already own her.

Sasha’s Travel Adventure

I’ll get back to posting porn for you guys in a bit. For now, a recap of Sasha’s adventures!

Traveling with a cat is challenging at best, but when things go bad, they go bad FAST!

The airplane trip went remarkably well - better than I’d anticipated. She cried for the first half hour or so, but finally settled down, which is good because it’s a 9 hour trip, and we still had a second plane to catch! We had one mishap, where she figured out how to open her pet carrier and started wandering around the plane until some official told us that we can’t let an animal loose (no shit, Sherlock!). I took her to the bathroom a bunch of times to let her stretch her legs, such as a tiny bathroom would allow anyway!

After the plane trip came a bus ride, and then a tram ride. She wasn’t used to wearing a harness or collar (having lived most of her life on a farm), but we managed OK.

Finally we got her to Dovey’s mother’s place, and she settled right in!

She stayed there while we honeymooned, and then came the long train ride to the East. Somehow, the train didn’t agree with her, and she suffered what I can only describe as explosive diarrhea. It got EVERYWHERE. All over the pet carrier (which we’d already lined with doggie training pads), all over her, and boy did it STINK! We cleaned her as best we could in tiny bathrooms…

Did I mention that this happened THREE times?

And we missed our connecting train.

So yeah, she’s not good in trains :(

But we finally got her home, gave her a nice bath, and she settled in just fine!

I now have a dom and although we are long-distance, we often discuss the possibility of someday finding a way to be together. One of my friends, when I told him about this relationship of mine, brought up the idea of making some sort of contract with my dom covering things like hard and soft limits, requirements for making this work, etc. I'm not sure I see us needing something like that, but I'm curious to see if you and your girl ever made one/if you think it's a necessary/valuable step?

First off, congrats! I wish you both the best!

Regarding contracts, their function in these kinds of relationships are as a cognitive aid. They bear no legal enforceability, but that is not their function. In any relationship, you ideally want to have a clear understanding of what your respective roles will be, and a contract is a very explicit (and thus useful) way to spell out those roles.

Our relationship grew more organically, and we also make a point to talk about our relationship often so that things don’t rot underneath our feet (you can’t prevent rot from starting, but you can definitely kill it and stop it spreading!). How you do it in your relationship depends on your personalities and your dynamic. Take advice, but stick with things that actually work for you.